Gibberish #3

The strong smell of disinfectants was familiar. Yet this was different. I was almost entirely responsible for this. Had I not asked him to wait upstairs, things wouldn't have taken such an ugly turn.

I was feeling dizzy. The corridor of the hospital which I frequently visited every single day now seemed hostile and unfamiliar. Claustrophobia was not something I had ever experienced, but I felt a tight squeeze around my chest and found it almost impossible to breathe in the confines of the windowless corridor. The tube lights spread across the ceiling started to dim, I felt the ground slip beneath my tired feet, I saw a nurse pointing at me and call out to someone...and then, darkness.

Gibberish #2

[Disclaimer - This is fiction. Bears no resemblance to any real incident whatsoever. I'm yet to become a doctor and therefore the "doctor" depicted here is not me. Also, just to make it absolutely obvious, I'm not married.]

Thank heavens that this is my private diary. The last thing a doctor needs to do is to reveal the details of his patient to the world.

I don’t know if I have it in me to write this. It was shocking. It was horrific. I really don’t want to recall the details of the unfortunate incident which I witnessed on that fateful day. But it’s too heavy a burden for me to carry. I will have to vent it out. It was the 21st of October, 2009.

I was pretty tired. The last thing I needed was another stint with my patient after attending to nearly a hundred people who had come to the clinic that day. I was tired, terribly tired. But I knew this would probably be the last time I saw him before Dr. Kumar took over. In a sense, I was relieved.

I looked at my watch. It was gift from Kavita on our anniversary last year. A Titan Insignia, her final gift. Looking at the watch made me nostalgic. And why wouldn’t it? After all that we went through, together. Our shared happiness, sorrows and pains. The setting sun which was barely visible through the blinds of the window reflected my thoughts perfectly. Pity, by the end of the day, the last thing I would be worried about was the setting sun, or my watch.

It happened right then. Yeah, it was exactly then. 5:45pm. I heard a loud noise. It came from the floor above the clinic’s. Who would make such....Rohan!

I was in a daze. I think I had run up the stairs and had found the restroom door locked. From the inside. Why on earth would he do that? And where the hell was Hari? Thoughts flooded my mind and I think I had let out a shout. Or had I called Hari?

Someone had brought a metal rod and kept banging the door. The sound of it I can clearly remember...

I can’t do this. I need to stop.

I won’t strike off the lines I wrote above this one. I don’t want to. No, I wont. I need to let everything out, till I’m emotionless. Till I’m feeling stoned, in every sense of the word.

The door was broken with the help of a few people. Some of whom I didnt even know.

It was a strong stench of faeces which struck me. It was unbearable. Through the crack in the door I saw what was by far the most shocking sight I’ve even come across.

Rohan was lying face down on the floor. The pool of blood was making its way across the entire room. The chair had been moved directly below the ceiling fan.

And then I noticed something.

He was breathing...

Gibberish

It was tough on him. You could tell from his expressions. The tired look, the distant gaze, the confused speech. Was this even a medical condition? Should I give him anti depressants? I looked at him once again. Pain written all over his face. It surely wasn't physical but it was hurting him.

"Rohan, I understand the position you're in right now. Believe me I do. But you aren't the first person in the world going through this. It has happened to all of us at some point or the other."

Did I really mean what I just said? Seriously? Me going through a breakup? Kavita and I were college sweethearts. Forget about breakups, we were so deeply and madly in love back then, we didn't even go through minor fights. Of course, now it was different.

"Do you, doctor? Do you? I don't think so." He sounded agitated, all of a sudden.

Goddamnit I can't be expected to tolerate this shit all day long. I need to get this man some real help. I scribbled the referral request on my pad and handed the note to him. No protests this time, phew!

"I want you to meet Dr. Kumar at the psychiatry department. If you talk to his assistant today, you might be able to get an appointment by end of this week. He's a very busy..."

"So you think I'm crazy now, do you?" He cut me off. "Look dude, I just had the worst breakup ever. The last thing I need is a visit to a fucking psychiatrist."

My patience with my impatient patient was nearing its limit. There were other people waiting outside, who needed more urgent attention. This was no time for chit chat.

"Rohan, better get a grip on yourself and call Dr. Kumar soon. I have other patients as well. If you really want to talk some more, you'll have to wait till I'm done with everyone else."

"I'll wait." He said calmly.

Oh great.

"Fine then. There's a restroom on the second floor. You can wait there. I'll ask Hari to get you a drink."
He left the room.

I was supposed to call my next patient but I didn't. I went to the basin and wet my face with the lukewarm water. It was surprisingly soothing. The warmth of it almost washing away my worries. Almost. Kavita was right. It is I who needed a visit to Dr. Kumar.